When I was pregnet with Dre(my 2 year old) I didn't find out I was pregnet till I was 6 months. I had a feeling I was pregnet because my boobs were gettin huge! and my belly was starting to look round..my friends kept telling me I was pregnet.trying to get me to take a test..I would't because I had a feeling I was but I didn't want to be.I already had Adiah who was barley 6 months at the time. I was having trouble just taking care of him. I was out partying every weekend. The boys dad and I were on the rocks already and the last thing I wanted was to be pregent with ANOTHER one of his kids when I didn't even want to be with him. But I couldn't hide it anymore. I had to take a test. I went to the clinic got tested and of course it was positive. I cried and cried. Like a baby right there at that moment. In front of the nurse. She told me it would be okay and handed me a flyer that had an abortion clinic on it. As I walked out to the car I was still crying thinking what I was going to do with two babys at 17 years old. I wasn't even 18 yet! I was scared. I reember the boys dad calling me asking me what happened and I told him..he was happy..he was already 20 so of course he was happy. he lived his high school years and graduated. He had a job. I wasn't even done with high school yet.
Days later, I did alot of hiding. I didn't want anybody to know. I wasn't ready. I hid it till my app which was a week later. Me and the boys dad talked about abortion..we knew we couldn't do it. We talked about adoption and we were iffy about it. I told him I knew someone who would be willing to take him. ( iam horrible)
When my doctor app. came I went in and they were telling me I was about 6 weeks but that they were going to make sure by doing a ultrasound. My tummy was huge for 6 weeks and it didn't seem right. The ultrasound said 26 weeks. I couldn't believe my ears! that was 6 months! I was 6 months pregnant and i didn't even know. I told the doctor that I had been drinking heavily on the weekends for the past 6 months. I had been smoking and taking diet pills..working out everyday hard core. She told me not to worry about it right now but to stop doing it cuz it can cause harm in his later years. I cried even more actually i cried for days. I hated myself for drinking and smoking. all i could do is worry that my son will come out not normal and it would be all my fault.
When I went into labor it only took 2 hourss..it was the worst pain of my life..with adiah I only got to 4 cm and got pain meds..When i got to the hospital with dre I was 8cm..!! All kinds of nurses came into my room and I knew right away somethng was wrong. Something was wrong with my baby.. I asked what waas going on and the doctor said we had to be very quiet cuz the baby is under alot of stress..When Dre came out he was blue..no cry..nothing.all i could see is the ladies shoving a tube down my babys throat. I screamed and cried I couldn't take it. It was all my fault. Once I heard that cry my heart just sank..he was okay..I told myself from that day I would never hurt my baby again.I would protect him and love him with everything I got. And here I am today..keeping my promise..Dre is healthy and he is a wonderful little boy. he is smart and kind..
I've noticed things since dre has gotten older..He doesn't pay attention like his brother does..alot of times i think he does things without even thinking about what is going to happen. I know he is two and he doesn't know any better and maybe..jus maybe i am living with this guilt and over analyzing things but i am so serious. other people have noticed it too. he cannot sit still and no matter how many times i tell him whats right and wrong he doesn't seem to get it. He gets angry easily and throws fits. he is also easily distracted.It is so hard to take care of him at times that i want to pull my hair out. So I gave in and scheduled a doctor app. in fresno to see if he has add/adhd..I can't help but feel this is my fault. I should of known I was pregnant or even should of been more careful having un protected sex. I still cry to this day about what i could of done..I am crying right now because i feel like my baby isn't normal because of me. But we will soon find out monday is his app. And we will go from there.