I didn't know I was pregnant

When I was pregnet with Dre(my 2 year old) I didn't find out I was pregnet till I was 6 months. I  had a feeling I was pregnet because my boobs were gettin huge! and my belly was starting to look round..my friends kept telling me I was pregnet.trying to get me to take a test..I would't because I had a feeling I was but I didn't want to be.I already had Adiah who was barley 6 months at the time. I was having trouble just taking care of him. I was out partying every weekend. The boys dad and I were on the rocks already and the last thing I wanted was to be pregent with ANOTHER one of his kids when I didn't even want to be with him. But I couldn't hide it anymore. I had to take a test. I went to the clinic got tested and of course it was positive. I cried and cried. Like a baby right there at that moment. In front of the nurse. She told me it would be okay and handed me a flyer that had an abortion clinic on it. As I walked out to the car I was still crying thinking what I was going to do with two babys at 17 years old. I wasn't even 18 yet! I was scared. I reember the boys dad calling me asking me what happened and I told him..he was happy..he was already 20 so of course he was happy. he lived his high school years and graduated. He had a job. I wasn't even done with high school yet. 

Days later, I did alot of hiding. I didn't want anybody to know. I wasn't ready. I hid it till my app which was a week later. Me and the boys dad talked about abortion..we knew we couldn't do it. We talked about adoption and we were iffy about it. I told him I knew someone who would be willing to take him. ( iam horrible) 

When my doctor app. came I went in and they were telling me I was about 6 weeks but that they were going to make sure by doing a ultrasound. My tummy was huge for 6 weeks and it didn't seem right. The ultrasound said 26 weeks. I couldn't believe my ears! that was 6 months! I was 6 months pregnant and i didn't even know. I told the doctor that I had been drinking heavily on the weekends for the past 6 months. I had been smoking and taking diet pills..working out everyday hard core. She told me not to worry about it right now but to stop doing it cuz it can cause harm in his later years. I cried even more actually i cried for days. I hated myself for drinking and smoking. all i could do is worry that my son will come out not normal and it would be all my fault.

When I went into labor it only took 2 hourss..it was the worst pain of my life..with adiah I only got to 4 cm and got pain meds..When i got to the hospital with dre I was 8cm..!! All kinds of nurses came into my room and I knew right away somethng was wrong. Something was wrong with my baby.. I asked what waas going on and the doctor said we had to be very quiet cuz the baby is under alot of stress..When Dre came out he was blue..no cry..nothing.all i could see is the ladies shoving a tube down my babys throat. I screamed and cried I couldn't take it. It was all my fault. Once I heard that cry my heart just sank..he was okay..I told myself from that day I would never hurt my baby again.I would protect him and love him with everything I got. And here I am today..keeping my promise..Dre is healthy and he is a wonderful little boy. he is smart and kind..

I've noticed things since dre has gotten older..He doesn't pay attention like his brother does..alot of times i think he does things without even thinking about what is going to happen. I know he is two and he doesn't know any better and maybe..jus maybe i am living with this guilt and over analyzing things but i am so serious. other people have noticed it too. he cannot sit still and no matter how many times i tell him whats right and wrong he doesn't seem to get it. He gets angry easily and throws fits. he is also easily distracted.It is so hard to take care of him at times that i want to pull my hair out. So I gave in and scheduled a doctor app. in fresno to see if he has add/adhd..I can't help but feel this is my fault. I should of known I was pregnant or even should of been more careful having un protected sex. I still cry to this day about what i could of done..I am crying right now because i feel like my baby isn't normal because of me. But we will soon find out monday is his app. And we will go from there. 

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Comments (11)

  1. lotus-blossom

    I read this post and i could see myself…i too was pregnant and didnt find out until i was 6 months along. I didnt party or anything but i made really bad decisions with my food and diet and i ate a lot of fish. So i worried a lot, i was 20 at the time and still living with my parents and i lost my job before i found out i was pregnant. I couldnt tell my parents but they found out and they were really pissed. I gave birth to my son on my 21st birthday. I had to have an emergency c-section because he was under a lot of stress (i was in labor for 15 hours without any progress, stuck at 4cm). His heart rate was dropping to where they couldnt hear it anymore, they wheeled me in for surgery and at that time my epi wore off and i wasnt numb when they cut me open, they then decided to knock me out. I woke up to a healthy, chunky baby boy. To this day he is healthy, but he sounds like your son so much, he has a dr appt next month so hopefully ill get some things figured out. I hope you get everything figured out as well!

    July 11, 2014
    1. amandaadanielle

      aww im sorry.. i wouldn’t wish that on anybody or any baby. It hurts my heart to think anybody else had to go through something like that. But it does make you appreciate them alot more…are you going to a pediatrician? or a specialist? I didn’t know which one to go to so I just decided to go with the pediatrician. I am afraid..i just don’t want him to feel different.

      July 11, 2014
      1. lotus-blossom

        Its rough, it really is, because a lot of people don’t understand, but to me, he is perfect. I’m going to a pediatrician, I’m hoping things will turn out well. They also have to check his heart because at his 3 year checkup they found a heart murmur. They said that it was slight, so there shouldn’t be anything to worry about and that a lot of toddlers get it and then it goes away. Of course I’m going to worry though because I’m his mom! Haha. I’m hoping that everything goes well for you and your little guy. I know how you feel though, no parent wants their child to feel different.

        July 11, 2014
        1. amandaadanielle

          I completely understand. I’ve known a few people that have heart murmurs and they are perfectly normal. You wouldn’t even b able to tell they did. BUT hopefully you don’t have to worry about that! I hope everything goes well at your guys doctor app too. hang in there. I know this kind of stuff makes us stronger as not only people but as mothers

          July 11, 2014
          1. lotus-blossom

            That is very true! Thank you for the wise words and thank you very much for talking to me about this. I really appreciate it.

            July 12, 2014
  2. meganbednar

    The same thing happened to me! I have a 10YO boy, a 5YO boy, normal pregnancies, knew i was preggo, felt babies kick, gained weight, etc..my 2YO daughter, thought i had a KIDNEY STONE (i had one when preggo with 5YO) went to ER to get pain pills for kidney stone..SURPRISE i was 38 weeks preggo! i gained NO WEIGHT..they said my uterus was “tipped” which is why i did not feel her kick..but i felt the boys! anyway, luckily everything turned out alright! good luck at the doc!!

    July 12, 2014
  3. jascieepinn

    Don’t worry. He’s 2 and by now he’d be showing signs of autism or some other syndrome if something more serious was the case. ADHD isn’t the worst thing in the world. All of my exes and my baby’s father have ADHD and I know my son will have it, most likely. Also, I have 7 brothers and sisters and my youngest brother has been diagnosed with ADHD. It’s put a bit of a strain on my family because none of my other siblings or my parents have it. But in your case, ADHD is becoming even more prevalent in society. Don’t blame yourself. Dre is intelligent and vibrant and will live a functional and normal life if he does have it. It won’t change anything. You’re BEYOND a wonderful mother from what I’ve read on your posts. I’m older than you and I hope that I can be a mom of your magnitude when my boy is older. You sacrifice so much for your kids and I can tell that your love is so deep for them even though they get under your skin sometimes. You should be patting yourself on the back if anything. Your boys, when they get old enough, will be thanking you for everything you’ve done for them – and not chastising you for the things you neglected to do before you knew any better. You were still young. Everyone makes mistakes. Don’t berate yourself. Love you, dear

    July 12, 2014
    1. amandaadanielle

      How do they act when they are older? when they have adhd can you tell they have it?
      aww thank you. You always make me feel better! Im hoping they do grow up to appreciate what ive sacrificed for them and what i’ve gone through..ugh im getting emotional ha..it just a sensitive subject because it’s one of my goals in life and im afraid to fail.

      July 13, 2014
      1. jascieepinn

        You can tell with some and you can’t with others. My boyfriend now hasn’t been able to take meds because his dad dropped him from their insurance. Me and my son and my brother and his gf and kids share his insurance, so we’re insured. And I notice with my current boyfriend that his ADHD is a lot less noticeable and I think it’s because he hasn’t been on meds in a few years and it kinda trained him to pay better attention and function normally. However, his issue isn’t hyperactivity or eye-contact or anything like that. He just gets bored easily. Like if you’re talking, you can tell that after about 30 seconds he starts daydreaming or he’ll even say that he’s getting bored and having a hard time paying attention. Now my ex-husband had ADHD and he was on Adderall but he’d sell the pills instead of taking them half the time. And because he was constantly on and off and taking them some days but skipping them for a week or more at a time, his ADHD is SUPER noticeable. For example, he’d be sort of immature and refuse to drink water, he’d randomly get up and go work out because he had so much energy, he’d laugh at pretty much ANYTHING, sometimes I’d talk to him and he’d be paying attention but he’d just be fixed on one thing I said and would tune out the rest, or he’d watch a movie extremely closely but then not really know what’s going on. But he can kinda turn it on and off though. And he’s honestly not the same on meds. Like, I don’t know if I’d still have fallen for him if he was born without ADHD. Sorry to go into such depth. I just feel strongly about it. I really think it’s somewhat of a blessing. I think autism is somewhat of a blessing too, having an autistic brother in Australia. People with these disorders are so special in their own ways.

        July 13, 2014
        1. amandaadanielle

          see i didn’t know all that..for some reason I thought as you got older you wouldn’t be able to notice it that much..My ex husband has a processing disorder..he like takes longer to understand..if your saying something to him then it takes him a couple minutes to get what your saying..how did you not get like irritated? Idk im big on communication and I don not like when i’m talking especially when it’s serious and they seem to not be listening..I guess it would be kinda rude to get mad because they do have a disorder they can’t control.That’s awesome how you accept others like that.And don’t treat them any different. You really don’t see that any more.

          July 13, 2014
  4. amandaadanielle

    wuv you

    July 13, 2014